A Letter to 42 Year Old Me from 35 Year Old Me

Hey there Hot Stuff,

I hope you’re still working out. And I hope you grew your hair out and finally figured out what your natural color is.

I want to start off by reminding you where you are today. Only 2 weeks ago I began to truly understand what it means to live without any Representatives (the versions of myself that I sent out to represent a cooler, stronger, prettier,… more acceptable me). I am still practicing not leaning on them when I go into new situations or revert back to them in my old habits. It’s exciting every single time I remember I just get to be ME throughout the day, and it’s still a little unnerving not knowing the rules on this path and what lies ahead for me. I am hopeful that the Law of Attraction will actually start working in my favor instead of being a cool idea, now that I’m finally unlocking who I really am. But I also feel a little lonely right now. Probably because of the holidays (this is our 3rd without Tyrel, and I still hate Christmas), but maybe it’s because I’m not familiar enough with myself to not worry about or try to predict what’s coming in my future.

I feel like I have a lot of learning to do… about ME. Hopefully, as you’re reading this, you can see the fruit of this season in your life in 2025!

Above all, I am so thankful to be me. I’m grateful that my path has led me to today and I have accepted who I am and what my life is. Speaking of that, the reason I’m writing you is because lately I keep thinking, “Man, I hope I remember that when the kids are older…” So, I decided to take matters into my own hands as opposed to my own memory (what’s new, right?) and write you a note! So far, this parenting gig is a Lone Adventure, so I just want to make sure you’re remembering what we set out to do by the time they leave the house. It’s a tough job raising two humans on your own, but in the end, love wins. So, let’s take a look.

First and foremost, do they experience unconditional love everyday? Have you pursued their hearts and worked to keep them open to you? Do you meet them where they are and hold their hand while they experience the pain of the day? Is their pain validated (regardless of how ridiculous it is)? Sports, crushes, homework, anger, happiness, disappointment. Are they able to express themselves in a healthy way without paying a negative consequence from you?

Do you still take them on dates? Do you put your phone down and stare into their eyes? Do you remind them of who they truly are? Do you tell them about the things you’re learning? Do you ask them specific, open-ended questions about their minds and hearts? Are you teaching them how to stay connected to their own Body-Mind-Spirit? Have you taught them how to talk and walk through pain and not avoid it? Do they talk to you about their battles?

Do they know that other people’s opinions are none of their business? (Do you know that?) Have you helped them see how their unconscious bias can keep them living small and cause them to miss the greatest joys in life? Are they respectful of each other, you, and the people and world around them? If not, where’s the disconnect? If so, damn, how’d you get to be so good at parenting!?

Are you over-parenting still? (I mean, I’m working on it now, but please tell me you’ve mastered the art of letting them make their own decisions without you rescuing them from failure or consequences by now!) Remember, I want them to be fully autonomous BY THE TIME THEY START their Senior Year of High School. Are you still on track for that? Do they know how to figure out what choices they want to make, manage time, do laundry, make food, work, handle money, save, set goals and achieve them?

Do you write provocative ideas on their bathroom mirrors to get them to think deeper than the status quo? Please tell me you regularly find ways to embarrass them in public.

And, oh, my god, how exciting is it watching them turn into the little humans they were born to be?! I can’t wait to see it! I hope you haven’t forgotten that they don’t have to fulfill what YOU (subconsciously) wish for them in order to earn your love (you know, to one day have healthy relationships, no teen pregnancies, a sober/accurate view of marriage, mental health, emotional wellness, financial stability, the freedom to do what they love every day of their lives, and true love with their own souls). You better be loving them unconditionally and on purpose every single day! Do you still write them notes about how much you love them and who they are? They love getting those now, I wonder if they will in 7 years.

Parenting is hard. I have no idea how you will fare over the next 7 years, but my hope is this: that you will learn to love yourself, your precious babies, and the world a little more in every moment. Time is always moving forward, so you can either keep living today or get lost in the past. I hope you’ve chosen to be among the living.

So, just because I know you’ll be curious, here’s the scoop on where we are today… (I did not publish this paragraph as it is deeply detailed and too personal for the interweb to ever know!)

Did you move into a lake house with a pool yet? I hope you have a little land with chickens, goats, a garden, and 2 golden doodles too. I hope you invite people over regularly and have parties several times a year. People, food, and a house on the water–that’s everything you need to sustain a beautiful life. I hope you still lay in the grass and look up to the sky and listen to the wind. And I hope you’ve finally found friends with horses and ride regularly. Most of all, I hope you are full. You suffered too much early on to not be living a life full of love, hope, and fun.

If I was the bravest version of myself (which I think I am pretty damn close to being), I would write until I made six figures doing it. Then I’d keep doing it so my family would always remember how pain and love changed the legacy of our lineage. I’d fall in love with my soul every day and I’d fall in love with matching souls around me too. I’d touch the water, breathe the fresh air, feel the sand on my skin, travel the world, meet the people, drink the wine, and laugh till I cried. I’d push my limits and never shut up. I’d speak life and love and power to every pair of eyes that met mine. And I’d never withhold hugs, touches, kisses, I-love-yous, or affection for the people in my heart. I’d speak the truth even when it’s difficult and feel the heartaches deep in my chest. I wouldn’t forget how pain helped me learn how to truly live and I would never speak or think negatively about myself again.

42 year old me, are you living the bravest version of me yet?

Image created by Wonder+Light Photography

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