The thing about codependency is that it actually DOESN’T serve you. It works against you and covertly sabotages your perceptions of the people you love and their perception of you.

When we make other people’s feelings/experiences/life about US, we are not serving ourselves well. And we are for sure not loving our people well.

Unconditional love is impossible for codependents.

When another person’s love is your lifeline for worth, it cannot be a pure, unconditional source for either person in the relationship.

You cannot simultaneously unconditionally love someone while also needing them to behave in a particular way so that you can feel OK about yourself.

What can be done when you are programmed for codependency?

The reprogramming begins in your shadow work. Only when you turn inward, tune in, and accept what is empty or dark within you will you gain the tools to hold space in your relationships.

Codependents want to fix. Secures want to witness.

Codependents want to insert themselves. Secures want to show compassion.

Codependents want to give advice. Secures want to support.

Codependents make another person’s experience about them. Secures understand they are not responsible for another person’s feelings/experience.

When you learn to hold space for yourself, you can practice creating space for others to move into without agenda. Then you are free to love people just as they are whether they behave according to your plans for them or not.

Unconditional love flourishes in the space you hold between you and your person. The space where you are a witness and not a fixer; where you serve instead of direct; where you stand beside instead of push along.

The work of codependency begins with YOU. This is an extremely powerful position. Don’t underestimate how transformative you can be.

XO,

MK

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