It doesn’t matter what circle you’re relating in–the church, the dance floor, the family BBQ, the workplace–if you don’t know what you’re worth, you will not be able to identify or set clear boundaries to safeguard YOUR TRUTH.
The world can be ruthless to the unsuspecting. And if you’re running on your default coding (first family habits, relationship dynamics, and emotional intelligence), you’re going to be prey for being taken advantage of or feeling like a doormat.
So, what is it that makes us feel that we OWE people things just because they want things from us?
It’s codependency. It’s perceived opportunity to be seen. It’s a potential path to acceptance.
Remember, if we haven’t given our inner selves a safe home within our soul to rest in, we will be searching (no matter how ludacris the outlet is) for a place to belong.
When someone asks something of us, faulty programming will tell us they WANT/NEED us and that feels damn good to an inner child in need of attention. So, even if we see the flags on the play, we ignore them, because our desire to be accepted is so much greater than our desire to heed caution.
Awareness is the first step to re-coding the programming that isn’t truly serving you. This will require you making space to be quiet, listen to your inner voice, and allow yourself to FEEL (not think) your way through the relevant emotion–rejection, abandonment, loneliness, etc.
Then you can create the kind of “home” you need to feel truly at peace (see How Does Your Garden Grow? on my blog). This is where you will be able to hold your truth, build self-worth, and live with an open heart without fearing being trampled on or betrayed.
If you feel that others take advantage of you or if you feel obligated to accommodate people’s needs and it is taking a toll on your mental, physical or emotional well-being, it’s time to do some shadow work and follow the trigger feeling to its source.
But only do this if you’re tired of circling the same cycles in your life. Only pay attention if you are fed up with feeling empty and depleted from your relationships. Only lean in if your current tactics aren’t serving you anymore.
Once you see it one time, you’ll see it everywhere. That’s what growth does to you. It expands you. Makes you larger. Calls you into greatness.