“I’m my own worst enemy.” We’ve all heard it, maybe we’ve even said it… and meant it.
I don’t know a soul who hasn’t experienced the categorical hollow of feeling unheard, unseen, or unknown. I will never forget the first time I realized how incredibly paralyzing it is to feel unknown… especially for an extended amount of time.
I was a newlywed, living on the front end of what would end up being a decade-long marriage marked by emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse. They were dark, soul-wrenching days for me and I felt more alone than I ever had in my life (still to date). During one of my frequent sleepless nights, I sat down to type out the wild storm of worries funneling in my mind. And the conclusion was this:
There is no pain quite as fragile as that of an unknown soul, for a single feeling could be it’s last.
Yes, the human soul was meant to be known. Seen. Heard. Experienced. Loved. And when it is not, the suffering is tremendous. This is why suicide becomes a thing of reason and addiction, justifiable. The ache is intolerable and excruciating, at best.
So, hear me when I say, I understand the bone-deep throbbing of loneliness. The kind where you truly feel that if you stopped breathing and sank into the shadows of the earth, it would go unnoticed, not even making a ripple of significance.
Friends, feelings lie. They are blasphemous and rotten, dripping with contempt and falsehood sometimes. And these feelings that tag along with loneliness are just that–liars. The truth? Well, that’s yours for the making.
If you lack, give. If you ache, soothe. If you hurt, heal. If you hide, reveal. If you lie, be honest. If you feign, supply. If you cry, show it.
It’s in providing the deep, true ingredients you crave where you will begin to feel whole again. It’s not in another person or a better situation (although those elements can be a catalyst for healing). But, the beginning and end of your substance, honesty, authenticity, begins with YOU.
If you are unseen by others, where are you hiding from yourself?
If you are voiceless in your world, where are you silencing your own truth?
If you are unknown by any other, what parts of YOU are you ashamed of and keeping secret?
You get to choose who is your worst enemy or your greatest ally. Either way, you hold all the power.
This is not to say you should go around uncovering your heart and revealing your soul to randos and people who have proven to be untrustworthy. Absolutely not. Part of caring for yourself is setting up the proper “garden” boundary to cultivate your soul work in a safe way.
Trust is earned. People show their level of integrity first, then you peel the layers of your soul before them. This is not about emotional promiscuity (word-vomiting your every wound and woe all over whoever will give you ear for 5 minutes). No. This is posturing yourself to receive genuine care and love from other safe humans.
This understanding comes in self-care. When you take time to study yourself and nurture your own well-being, you inevitably discover how valuable you are and worthy of patient, authentic, kind love from others. Anything less will be a closed door.
My dear friends, this is not an easy-breezy topic to discuss, but it is necessary. You are WORTH the truth. Will you commit to becoming your own greatest ally? Will you retire being your own worst enemy–perpetually sabotaging your value and ability to receive love?
When you choose to take responsibility for the state of your soul (not the wrongs, violations, and betrayal imposed upon you by others, but the attention, care, and healing you provide afterwards), then hope will come flooding back in like the sun after a storm.
It’s time to pay attention to all the power you DO have. It’s right there inside of you.
Are you ready?