We all experience pain in our lives. It’s part of the gig. After living through not one, but TWO identity crises, I decided I needed a new approach to pain… and life.
I lost my first love, my husband of 10 years, and the father of my children… TWICE. Once in a hostile divorce and again when he took his own life only months later. I was lost in uncertainty and terrified of what other cruelty LIFE had in store for me.
I went on a quest to find all the tools I had needed during those devastating years but didn’t have. And I was in a hurry too, because what if another crisis was coming?! I searched, read, listened, learned EVERYTHING I could possibly soak in for the next three years.
And over that time, all the unanswered questions I had carried in my soul began to find their answers. One after another: Am I enough? Do I belong? Can I trust people? What is my purpose? Who am I? How am I supposed to be? Am I OK? I have so many feelings, so much pain; is there something wrong with me?
Once the answers started coming, my quality of life, emotional stability, and mental space began to multiple! I was building the life I had always dreamed of instead of reacting to life happening to me. And THAT is when I became UNSTOPPABLE.
Once I had a taste of that power mindset, I was addicted. So, I decided to build a business based on this idea:
Each one of us holds the power to create the life we dream of having.
We are carrying within us all the answers that we need. But often, life and relationships cloud our view. That’s where I come in; all of my work (podcast, coaching, workshops, social media, blogs) has one goal in mind: to get YOU the tools you need to FIND your power/purpose/peace.
So, welcome to MBK Productions! I hope you will dive into whichever method you prefer. Read, watch, listen, or work with me one on one! I want to support your journey to discovering your Authentic Self.
No matter where you are today (broken to pieces or ready to jump all in), as long as your heart is beating, there is hope. Keep taking steps to live. You are more than worth it.
Here’s where you can get MaryBeth’s full story on my life after suicide:
All I longed for was freedom and creative liberation. It’s happening for me now and I sense that my intuition is going to be my compass from here on out.
It was scary for me there for an hour – witnessing, hearing, not knowing how to guide her. But, in the end, gentle love and soft hands led her back to me. Fuck, I hope I can keep doing this for her. She is so innocent and precious and worthy.
I feel so loved and whole and safe… and I did it for myself this time!
I’m setting boundaries… I never have before. I’m trusting myself and loving myself like I never have. I am a mix of sure and uncertain…
Historically, when I feel disappointed, I switch gears in my head (so I don’t have to need anyone) to think positively and do my best to avoid that area of disappointment again with that person. This has not served me well…
I am angry with myself… for not being brave enough to SPEAK as soon as I felt the wall go up… Time and time again, I could have addressed it, but I allowed him to be the shot-caller and in doing so, gave up the power to protect my self-interest.
I never set boundaries because I didn’t want to be rejected.
I [am] able to see all this now… I created him to be grander in my own head than he ever truly was… THAT is not his fault… I recognize my pattern here… I don’t think I’ve literally ever set a relational boundary in my life!
It’s heavy, painful, and it grieves my heart to feel these things again, but I also see how this wound has been directing all of my romantic relationships from the age of 15. I’ve been asking everyone else: Do I belong with you? If shit goes down, will I be taken care of, loved, kept or will you leave me behind and discard my love?
I do NOT want to demonize him through this, because he and I have brought each other some incredible lessons in two years but oh…my…god!
I don’t want to live with regret so I guess I’m trying to fight for things that aren’t actually there with tools I haven’t actually acquired yet JUST in case 10 years down the road I figure out this is what I really wanted or it was my best chance or I never found anything closer to a match to me than him.
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