CONNECTION STEP 3: CUES

In his research with the Gottman Institute, Dr. John Gottman found that one of the most foundational elements for building a satisfying, intimate relationship is when both partners are aware and positively responsive to the subtle “cues” or bids for interaction by their significant other.

The underlying idea in this is that we will TURN TOWARD our partners (or children) instead of ignoring or directly turning away from them.

Think about how powerful this is. Your best friend is typically the one who is interested in your WHOLE life–the big things and the tiniest little observations you have about the world. And you know this because you TELL them everything and they consistently turn toward you and engage.

When, over time and sometimes unnoticeably evolutionary, our people begin to “drop the bids” we leave for them, we will inevitably feel disconnected and distant.

This distance brings an onslaught of side effects: lack of intimacy and fulfillment within the relationship, frustration that can lead to resentment, and insecurity in the partnership.

So, how important is it that we PAY ATTENTION and pick up these cues from our partners/children/people on a daily basis? Well, it will determine whether you have lasting and quality relationships or not.

The foundation principle at hand with bidding and response is RESPECT. The acknowledgement of importance, presence, and connection within the relationship comes when the other person turns toward the one cueing and chooses to engage.

What a beautiful and sacred gift we have the opportunity to give every DAY!

Put your phone down. Make eye contact. Ask questions. Dig deeper. PAY ATTENTION to those cues for connection being dropped all around you.

It’s instinctual for humans to want to connect, sometimes we just have to lean in and become more aware of what’s happening around us.

XO,

MK