CONNECTION STEP 1: SEPARATENESS
A lot of times we use separateness to make us feel protected and special. But the truth is, we’re really not that different from each other.
Of course we all have different experiences along our individual life paths, but when we choose to see it, we’re all pushing our way through life with a million different servings of pain just like everyone else.
If you have the desire to connect, to not be alone, or to share your life with people, then you can begin by checking your inner dialogue. An honest practice of self-awareness will help you do this.
When you are in conversation with others or when you meet new people, are you searching for ways they are different from you? Can you run an instant mental list of reasons why they wouldn’t understand you/your life/your situation? Do you hesitate to share your story because you believe no one would “get it”?
These are examples of how we habitually create SEPARATENESS in our lives. By continually pointing out how we are different from others, we progressively step out of connection with people, our community, and eventually the world around use.
What’s amazing is that you could be a fully functioning citizen–working, parenting, even participating in a romantic partnership–but truly living as a separate entity, isolated and stuck in your untouchable “uniqueness”.
This kind of separateness requires walls to surround you so you can successfully avoid vulnerability or truly allowing someone else to see the “real you”–flaws, secrets, fears and all.
When we begin to understand that part of being human means we are NOT alone (in our flaws, secrets, and fears), we have hope for building deep, lasting connections with others.
Whether you desire one or many intimate bonds, the starting point is the same: change your focus and look for ways you are similar to others. Look for signs of YOURSELF in other people.
We bond when we see ourselves in others. We stick around and create intimacy when we learn to appreciate how their differences ask us to step up and be better humans.
Connection: It’s what keeps humans sane. So, go start building some synergy! Turn off the “separateness radar” and start looking for yourself in others!
We belong to each other. Us humans–we’re in this together.
XO,
MK
