WHAT EVEN IS A HEALTHY SENSE OF SELF?

Maintaining a healthy sense of self requires an on-going and deep connection with yourself.

Every day you are bombarded with people, situations, and distractions asking us to choose them! Whether you’re aware of it or not, you are in a constant stand for your own sense of self.

So, how do we cultivate a balanced, ego-free sense of self?

Let’s start by what we DON’T do. We don’t:

Give in when our gut flips at the thought of a particular action.

Cross other people’s boundaries.

Bend over backwards to accommodate our boss, partner, children, etc.

Plow over people, invalidating them.

Put up walls OR become a doormat.

Betray our own morals or values in order to keep a job, relationship, house, etc.

In our culture, it’s often socially acceptable to brush over people, shove the quiet or meek ones in the corner, point the finger at the emotional ones, or consider someone’s fortress of rules to be a remarkable display of healthy boundaries. But the truth is that NONE of these things (on either side) are signals of a solid sense of self.

Some take to the defensive-–fighting desperately to preserve our independence–by throwing up walls and acting outside of general respect for others. Others become so needless and compliant that they seemingly cease to exist. Both are extremely destructive and a recipe for destructive relationships (professional and personal).

So, what CAN we do to solidify a secure sense of self? We DO:

Pay close attention to inner self.

Spend time discovering what respect, integrity, and honesty mean.

Acknowledge when we feel triggered and hold space before responding.

Live at our highest level of knowledge.

Set boundaries that open a door for us to safely connect with others.

Commit to being the guardian of self, understanding it is a sacred privilege.

Basically, you stop passing off the blame and responsibility on everyone else and you show up, lean in, and stay actively connected with YOURSELF.

No one else on god’s green earth will be able to tell you what is right for you, what decision you should make, or how you should live. (I mean, they may tell you… but that’s like advising in an area you have 20% of intel on. Ludacris.)

Only YOU will ever know what is in alignment with you. And you’ll only know if you choose to listen. Quiet the distractions around you and give undivided attention to what is being spoken from within.

XO,

MK